Columnist discusses dating standards


By Derek Hanke

In high school, there are three types of daters: those who date with standards, those who date without standard, and those who choose not to date at all.

Each type has its own set of merits and pitfalls. Understanding the three types can help a student know what to look for and what to avoid, and also to help them form their own dating standards.

Dating with standards

In some instances, dating with standards can be overly pretentious, but in others it can save you from a lot of trouble down the the road if you are looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend you are compatible with. There are two personalities of those who date with standards: lonely hopefuls and happy moderates.

Lonely hopefuls are individuals who have too strict of standards to successfully find a boyfriend or girlfriend due to either an inability to accept the shortcomings of others or a falsified vision of reality.

For example, Suzie Twoshoes is looking for a boyfriend who will be a future athletic star, is a strict vegetarian, and will make her happy every moment they are together. There are several problems with these predispositions.

Not every guy you meet will become a professional athlete, and those who do may not be strict vegetarians. The same applies with strict vegetarians. Also, relationships will always have issues at some point or another, and you must be able to respect that and take them in stride.

Suzie Twoshoes will be a very lonely girl unless a miracle happens and she finds exactly the boy she wants, which the chances of are slim. It is important to learn that people like Suzie have too high of expectations, and may want to lower them in order to find a boyfriend or girlfriend they are happy with.

Happy moderates are people who date with a less strict set of standards, leading them to date others who they find agreeable and have relationships that are much more fulfilling.

The example here is Johnny Appleseed. Johnny wants to find a girlfriend who shares the same faith as him, dresses properly, and is truthful and honest. These standards are rational, and finding a girl who meets them will not be that difficult if he puts his mind to it.

Within the right social circles, finding a girlfriend who meets Johnny’s standards will not be hard because Johnny is aware of social functions which are filled with people just like her. These functions could range anywhere from church to charity events.

Johnny Appleseed will most likely find happiness in his relationship search as his standards are reasonable and he is not harshly judgmental. People like Johnny are prime role models of what to do in high school if you desire to date others.

Dating without standards

If you decide to date without standards, you are opening yourself up to a world of possibilities, both positive and negative. You could find yourself with someone completely original who you share some things in common and are compatible with. On the other hand, you could end up in a relationship with someone you have little to nothing in common with.

If you are exceptionally lucky, you could find yourself in a happy relationship with someone you have chosen to date without standards. When this happens, there is a large measure of leniency involved, as with no standards almost anything can be considered acceptable.

One thing to keep in mind is that dating someone without standards does not last for long periods of time, and the resulting heartbreak from when you become discontented with your relationship can last a lot longer.

When students first start dating they usually have little to no standards. In these initial stages, they tend to go for whoever is appealing to them at the given time.

Although it is good to date someone who is attractive to you for whatever reason, you must keep in mind that your preferences may change with time and you could wind up regretting your decision.

This would only lead to a breakup and awkward feelings between you and your ex-hubby. So as to avoid this, it is recommended that you choose not to date without standards.

Not Dating

For some, dating another person in high school is too bothersome or time consuming to pursue. This path is understandable, as many high school relationships are plagued with drama and hardship.

However, even though they may have their own measure of difficulty, high school relationships help pave the path to more serious relationships later on.

Choosing to not date in high school is preventing yourself from a lot of grief, but also prevents you from gaining valuable relationship experience.

How will you ever know what kind of person you are compatible with if you never get out and see what kind of personalities you appreciate? Even with the adversity you may face, it will only add to your relational maturity and provide you with more experience.

Experience can help you treat your future girlfriend or boyfriend better, stop you from becoming too emotional in the face of drama, and make you stronger and more better equipped for future relationships.

On the other hand, perhaps you have dated before and decided to stop. This decision could be due to bad experiences or motive to wait until later to date again.

For those who have had bad experiences, it is important to not give up. Giving up now could ruin your chances later because of insecurity and self-isolation.

A dater must remain optimistic that one day he or she will find the right person to have a relationship with. Optimism is essential to being happy down the road. If you have decided to stop dating in order to wait, this question is important. When do you intend on starting to date once more?

Life is a constant journey, and once you stop doing something, it can be hard to start again. Dating is no different, unless you have set for yourself a specific time to start again such as after high school or college.

For those who have not, it is better to start now than wait until later. Don’t risk a relationship with someone you are happy with for someone you haven’t found yet.

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