Sarcasm sabbatical

By Meghan Poff

Graphic by Chase Palmer

One week:  no sarcasm.

It really shouldn’t have been so problematic for me.

As sarcasm is practically my native tongue, I could see how this could create a language barrier between me and my peers. But I didn’t think it would be that difficult. And after all, it would create the opportunity for me to see life from a more optimistic point of view.

And of course, I had the support of my friends.

Friend: “Meghan this is such a joke. I do not even know why you are wasting your time. You are just too mean of a person to not be sarcastic.”

But I proceeded to, “waste my time” anyway. And what I came to find after one week, is that everyone is a downer.

To enable myself to pass through the week without a cynical remark passing my lips, I concurred that I would drown my cruel remarks with enthusiasm and forced zeal.  As a person that has been labeled as a “Debby downer” and a “Negative Nelly”, I assumed that my positive change in attitude would be a pleasant surprise to everyone at school.

Naturally, I assumed wrong.

Day 1:

Me: “Good morning Baylea! It’s nice to see you today!”

Baylea: “I’m going to pretend like you didn’t just say that.” (*Turns away)

Day 2:

Nick: “Get out of my way. You are blocking my locker.”

Me: “Oh sorry Nick, I feel really bad. I’m always in your guys’ way. I’ll try to not be so intrusive.”

Nick: “Shut up.” (*Walks off)

Day 3:

Me: “Hey Tyler. You look nice today.”

Tyler: “You know, I am getting pretty tired of this no sarcasm thing. It is really annoying.  Don’t talk to me until the week is over.” (*Leaves)

So by the week’s end, I went home with a broken self-esteem, a bruised ego, and a declining faith in human kindness.  My mom told me to stop complaining and take an Advil.

So with one item on my bucket list done, there is only one moral to the story.

People are mean.

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