Columnist criticizes Facebook

By Meghan Poff

I'm Just Saying

Dear Mark Zuckerburg,

You owe me big time. If you ever want to make it up to me, just send a nice check to my therapist. But I bet she doesn’t like you either. Because of you, every Monday, Thursday and Saturday from 3- 4:30 p.m., she has had to listen to me talk about how much I hate Facebook.

Don’t be too hard on yourself though. You had a really good idea, in your head. You just forgot to take some important variables into account.

  1. People think that others care about what they have to say.
  2. People don’t care about what others have to say.
  3. People think what they have to say is important to others.
  4. People could not care less about what is important to others.

However, it is not too late to save Facebook. Just take my advice, please I am begging you, and your website just might come back from MySpace level.

  1. The Dislike button- The like button only looks really successful because of the fact that there is no dislike button. Because only about 1 out of every 10 times do I actually like a status, and this does not account for the other 9 times that I do not like a status. (*The dislike button can also apply to relationship statuses)
  2. Take away people’s ability to say where they are and who they are with- Because, well, no one cares.
  3. Automatically make wall posts between couples private- As to avoid that awkward moment when you throw up your breakfast after seeing “Yay it’s our two day anniversary! I love you baby!”
  4. Automatic spell-check statuses- Sometimes I get confused when I see, “weekend wuz wy 2 fast dont wanna go 2 skwl tommrw.” Similarly, I almost forget what language I am supposed to be speaking when I see, “mE n D@RReLL b LighTin sHizz ^ in d@ cLUb.”
  5. Tell annoying girls to stop talking about their feelings and go PMS elsewhere- I have had enough of all this, “I’m tired of getting my heart broken by someone that never cared about me.” and “Guys need to know how to treat a lady right. Smh.” I have added up the figures, and by my calculations, there is a reason you are single.

I have re-read all of my key points, and I really do not think any of them are that unrealistic, so if you could make this happen for me, that would be nice. I feel like a lot of people could really benefit from these changes but mostly I feel like if you do this, I might be able to lean off of my anger management medication a bit.

Please and Thank You,

Meghan Poff

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